


Barista-Meet-Cute-I-Hate/Love-You-But-Our-Friends-Are-Dating-And-There’s-Alcohol-Involved (because, of course there’s alcohol involved)

by writernotwaiting



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Anal Fingering, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Coffee Shop, Daddy Kink, F/F, Fan fiction cliches, Fluff, I love you/I hate you, M/M, Mild D/s, Penetration, Snark, What Did You Expect, arguing with narrator, because adults never really get over middle school, eventual snarky sex, fan fiction tropes, just a little bit, more tags as appropriate, notes on napkins, our friends are dating, rampant insecurities, someone's breath hitches, that little strip of skin, up-against-the-door sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writernotwaiting/pseuds/writernotwaiting
Summary: Loki owns a bookstore/coffeshop. Thor only drinks syrupy "coffee concoctions." Loki's ex-wife is trying to play matchmaker.This is an attempt to write the fan ficyest of fan fics. I am attempting to cram into one story the most fan fiction tropes and cliches that I possibly can.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For a running list of tropes/cliches so far, see the end of each chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thebookhunter, for reading this through -- you are an awesome human bean.

“I’m not a barista.”

“What?”

“Loki!” Sigyn kicked his shin under the table as she hissed at him to cut the crap, but Loki had had about enough of this smug, blond fucker who obviously felt he was God’s gift to the world.

“It’s my shop, so the job title is boss, not barista.”

“But you still serve the drinks, right?” Thor’s face lit up with a thousand watt smile that would normally have left Loki a little wet puddle on the floor, but at this point he was impervious. He sucked it up one more time, though, for Sigyn.

“I do still work at least one shift a day out at the counter, yes. It’s good for the employees to see I care about all of the little details, and I like to stay in touch with my customer base.”

“So you are a barista.”

“Certainly. In the same way that you are a real estate agent.”

Sigyn glared at Loki once more across the table, but Thor threw his head back and laughed, “Oh!” he cried, as he wiped his eyes, “that’s a good one!”

A couple of weeks ago, things had looked so promising — who would have predicted they would end up here?

_[I did. Smug mother fucker! He doesn’t even know what real coffee is, and now he’s going to lord it over me because he’s got a “real job.”_

Stop it, Loki. Just because you’re the principle character does not mean you get to argue with the narrator.

_Well you should get it right, then. Just because you’re the authorial voice does not give you the right to wholesale recreate reality._

No. You’re right. I can’t re-write reality. But since you’re a fictional creation, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Shall we go back and take a look at previous events?

_Yes, I think we should._

Fine. Now, where were we . . .]

A couple of weeks ago, everything had seemed so promising. It was a fine crisp fall day, and Loki arrived at the charming little bookstore-slash-coffeeshop that he had come to see as his second home. Scraping together the funds to get started had taken a lot of sacrifices, but he had finally proven to the bank — with a little help from a friend — that he could match the downpayment requirements, and he qualified for the start-up loan. Now, nearly five years later, he had paid off his initial loan, and was looking into financing a small re-model to expand the available shelving and upgrade from the thrift-shop lounge chairs that were scattered about the store. He had hired and trained both the clerks and certified baristas, and the store turned enough of a profit that he had begun long range plans to open franchise stores across the region — he would be king of a coffee empire.

_[Could we get on with it, please? No one cares about the backstory._

You get right back in the narrative where you belong, Mister, or next Tuesday an entire bus of retired teachers on an Elderhostle trip gets dumped on your doorstep during lunch rush.

_You wouldn’t dare._

I am the author. I can damn well do whatever I want. Do you want to take that risk?

_Fine. Just get on with it.]_

Right. As I was saying, it was a fine, crisp fall day when Loki arrived at the shop early to take delivery of the baked goods for the day and to check on the deli supplies. Monday mornings are usually pretty busy, and his newest hire was scheduled to work the coffee register, so he decided to help out on the line. Loki pulled his black hair back into a tight bun, found an apron, and started to set up just as Wanda arrived for her shift behind the counter.

“Good morning, are you ready to work your magic?”

Wanda blushed, ducking her head to hide a shy smile. She really could work wonders — a coffee artist. Loki loved watching her work.

Shortly afterward, Darcy wandered in to tend the register in the bookstore. “Hey, Tall Guy. Anything new?”

“Miss Lewis, good morning. Nothing this morning, but we should get in a few boxes this afternoon. The spreadsheet is in the usual folder.”

“Gotcha.”

Once Loki unlocked the front door, the regulars started crowding in. Loki and Wanda fell into a smooth rhythm for an hour or so, and Wanda finally began to relax, reassured that the boss had not taken the shift simply as a means to try and trip her up.

Then He walked in.

Well, no one actually noticed when he walked in the door, but Loki certainly noticed when he turned back from handing an order off to Wanda and dropped into the ocean of blue that looked back at him from the other side of the counter. He might actually have stopped breathing for an instant.

[ _I did not!_

An entire busload — all asking for Americanos!

 _Alright! I might have paused slightly._ ]

Clearing his throat quickly to cover his lapse, Loki recovered himself, “Good morning, what can we get for you?”

Mr. Blue Eyes shifted his gaze from Loki to the chalk board behind him. “Well, I’m not quite sure,” he replied slowly. “I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but felt like a bit of a pick-me-up. I think I need something sweet to start my day.” And he looked quickly back at Loki and actually winked.

How can a morning have started so promising only to be dashed so quickly? Loki fixed his best customer-service smile on his face and waited for the quickly-rechristened Mr. Smug to mull his options.

“How about a large caramel cinnamon mocha with whole milk and lots of whipped cream?”

“We can do that.”

“Can you also drizzle extra chocolate over the top?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And one of those gooey cinnamon rolls, too?”

“Will that be for here or to go?”

“As much as I would like to stay and admire the scenery, I’ll have to take it with me.”

Loki’s smile got just a tiny bit more stiff, while his eyes got icy cold. He rang up the price asking, “your name, sir?”

Mr. Smug narrowed his eyes and his smirk turned shark-like as he said very slowly, “Thor. T-H-O-R. Thor.” Then he winked, again.

“Got it,” Loki answered between clenched teeth.

Not laughing was the hardest thing Wanda had to do that morning.

[ _And it’s a damn good thing she didn’t._

They will all want to count out their purchases in exact change.

 _Aargh!_ ]

In the afternoon, Loki shifted over to the bookstore to help Darcy shelve the new inventory, and immediately faced the inquisition.

“Oh my god, Loki, who was the hunky guy who came in this morning.”

His voice could have frozen the cappuccino on his desk. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Do not tell me you don’t remember, you liar. That huge blond guy. I’m totally all over that if he comes back.”

“Go ahead. Mr. Tall-Blond-and-Smarmy’s name is, and I quote, ’Thor. T-H-O-R. Thor.’” And Loki winked in precise imitation of his customer.

“Oh my God. He winked at you?”

“Winked and openly declared, as he ordered a drink consisting of pure syrup, that he doesn’t like coffee. Why the hell did he come into a coffee shop, then?”

Darcy snorted.

“Did you just snort?”

“I totally did. You think he’s hot.”

“You do realize that I can fire your ass.”

“But you won’t.” Darcy smiled and took a stack of paperbacks out to the front display.

Mr. Smug came back the next day.

Of course he did.

The same smirk. The same wink. The same too-sweet-to-be-real-coffee and too-sweet sticky bun.

Ugh.

Loki shifted the schedules around so Wanda would start the morning shift with Natasha, while he worked on the quarterly tax report in the back office. Which of course didn’t keep him from walking out to check on something with Darcy precisely when Mr Smarmy stepped up to the counter to place his order. You know, by coincidence.

[ _It was a coincidence!_

So that fact that you had left the office door wide open all morning had nothing to do with your timing.

_I need a new narrator._

We’re all against you.

 _At least you admit it._ ]

Darcy snorted. Loki glared. Mr. Smarmy looked over at him and winked. Loki stalked purposefully back to the office, doing his best to ignore both Darcy’s smirk and Mr. Smarmy’s perfect ass.

[ _I did not look at his ass._

Shut up — of course you did. It’s damn nice ass.

_That’s beside the point._

Ha! You looked.

_I did not._

Whatever.]

As it turns out, avoiding Mr. Smarmy is precisely what the universe did not want. Divine forces seemed to be lined up against him. At least one divine force was against him, anyway.

Well, a force of nature.

Ok, his ex-wife.

“Loki!”

Loki’s shoulders instantly went tight enough to break glass, but he pivoted to face her nonetheless.

“Sigyn!” He smiled brightly, baring his teeth.

Sigyn strode across the sales floor, her pointy power shoes no doubt leaving holes in the threadbare-but-atmospheric carpet. The lacquer on her nails glittered much like expensive weaponry where she held on to the strap of the leather briefcase hanging from her shoulder.

“How is my favorite snake today?” Loki asked as she approached. “Have you crushed anyone’s dreams today?”

A deep frown crossed her face. “So happy to see you, as well, sweetheart. You do remember that I’m one of the good guys, don’t you?”

Loki pecked her cheek. “You are a bankruptcy lawyer, _sweetheart_ , there’s only so much good to go around, isn’t there?”

She rolled her eyes, though the frown decreased just slightly. “Regardless of your poor attitude, I come bearing an olive branch — today at least.”

“You need something.”

“I need a fourth at a client dinner.”

“Would you care to tell me how that is an olive branch?”

“Because it’s dinner at that new restaurant that I know you’ve been dying to try, and if you go, I’ll pay.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch. I know you’ll clean up nice, that you have been known occasionally to mind your manners and force yourself into becoming a skilled conversationalist,” at that point Sigyn paused ever so slightly before she concluded, “and you were requested.”

An eyebrow arched upward. “I beg your pardon? How on earth would any of your clients even know I exist, let alone want to request my company.”

Sigyn deflected, “Oh darling. It’s such a little thing. You know I wouldn’t ask if I thought it might put you out.”

“Bullshit, of course you would.”

“Fine. Yes, I would. It’s important, ok? It’s a dinner meeting with a client and her real estate lawyer, and dammit, Loki, this client is really hot. In three days, the case is over, and I want to keep her interested, so I planned a little celebratory night out. Please?”

“Why did she ask for me? Does she have some weird obsession with coffee shops? Does she want to ask where I buy my beans?”

Sigyn sighed, just a little sheepishly. “Well . . . it wasn’t actually the client who asked about you. It was her attorney.”

“A real estate attorney requested my presence. Tell me, dearheart, how on God’s green earth would she know who I am?”

A long pause ensued as Sigyn wrestled with how honest she wanted or needed to be. “ **He** might have mentioned a certain coffee shop’s proprietor during a meeting, and I **might** have mentioned that I know you.”

Loki’s face got a menacing look on it. “Did you now? What is this real estate lawyer’s name?”

“Thor — see? He’s even Norwegian. You have something I common.”

Darcy cracked up from behind the counter where she’d been listening. “Thor. As in T-H-O-R.” She practically sang out the letters.

Loki shot an angry glare over Sigyn’s shoulder. “Darcy! Don’t you have a job to do? Why do I pay you?”

“I am doing my job. Is it my fault you chose to have this conversation in the middle of the store?”

Loki turned back to his ex-wife and gave her a savage look. “I will not go. He is a prig with no manners, and who doesn’t even drink real coffee.”

Sigyn rolled her eyes. “Sorry? No. I’m not sorry. Loki, he’s totally your type — a big blond softy — and I know for a fact that you haven’t gone out on a single date since we divorced. Hell, you didn’t even date while we were married.”

“I was married, remember?”

“Pfft! Just so I could get residency. You are a sad, lonely little penguin, and you need to go out.”

“He’s a pretentious asshole.”

“I have seen no evidence of that.”

“And he takes syrup in his coffee.”

“Please? I don’t really have to pull in my I-pulled-strings-to-get-you-that-loan card, do I? It’s just one double date. Just show up, be charming, and go home. Maybe with him.”

“Sigyn, stop trying to pimp me out — I’m your ex-husband, for god’s sake!”

“Please?”

“. . .”

Sigyn put a hand on his arm. “You are so very handsome, sweetheart — you can’t let that bastard rule your life forever. It was so long ago. There’s got to be someone out there who will treat you right.”

Loki screwed up his face and looked over at the far wall before he whispered, “Fine.”

“Yay!”

Sigyn pulled his substantial height down to her level and squeezed his neck until he squirmed. “Stop it,” he said as he wormed back out of her grasp. “You will get your night out with Ms Hotness, but I do not guarantee that I will be Mr. Charming.”

And so that’s how he wound up here — at a quiet table, in a dimly lit restaurant, on a double date with his ex-wife, her newly-ex client (who was, indeed, hot — Sigyn had excellent taste), and T-H-O-R.

[ _And I was having a perfectly miserable time, might I add._

Yes, Loki, and you weren’t at all noticing the fact that his sleeves looked just about ready to give way every time he flexed is arm.

_I don’t know what you’re talking about._

Of course not.]

“Well,” Sigyn suddenly interrupted, I think we should adjourn for drinks, don’t you, Sif? There’s a lovely little jazz club just a block from here where we could continue our conversation.”

Thor was quick to chime in before Loki could even draw breath, “I think that’s a terrific idea.”

This was, perhaps, not actually the wisest of decisions, since all four of the diners had already been free with the cocktails before supper, and the wine during. Nonetheless, Sigyn took care of the bill, as promised, and they wove their way down the block to the club.

[ _Are you implying that I was drunk?_

I don’t think I was implying anything. I was, in fact stating straight up — you were all of you tipsy before you ever walked out that restaurant door.

_I only had a couple of drinks._

You go ahead believe that, if you like, but I’ve seen toddlers ride bikes in a straighter line.

 _I was in complete control._ You smacked into at least one parking meter along your way.

_I did not!_

You’re only embarrassing yourself, you know.

 _Stop it._ ]

They stayed at the jazz club for only a couple of drinks, before Sif declared the music too pretentious, and they collectively decided to walk around downtown to find a third venue to finish out the night. The two women, however, drew close together and walked with a bit more purpose than the gentlemen, who hadn’t stopped bickering since leaving the restaurant.

[ _Stop making me sound like an old woman — I do not “bicker”!_

Ha! What word, pray tell, would you use to describe your current interjections?

_I am striving to interject some modicum of accuracy into this narrative._

Alright, then, if that’s the case, you will no doubt want to point out that you were not at all affected when he placed his hand on your arm to steady you both while you walked.

_I don’t deny it — I took immediate offense and brushed him away._

You might have “brushed against him,” but you most certainly did not brush him away, not until later, anyway.

_That’s a complete distortion!_

You are not the boss of me.

_You have no story without me — I’m your main character._

Aaargh!]

Eventually, forward progress halted altogether as the pair turned to face one another on the sidewalk.

“How can you live with yourself? Your entire life’s work is spent wiggling your way through the minutiae of property law so your clients can squeeze as much profit as possible out of unsuspecting tenants and honest business owners who just want a fair deal on their commercial space.”

Thor frowned mightily and crossed his (muscular) arms across his (massive) chest. “I don’t think you’re being fair at all, Loki. Just because you feel that your experience with property owners may have been less to your advantage than you like, does not mean that my profession is an unethical one. Why, take this building right here,” and he gestured up at the facade beside them, “this is an excellent property that rents for well below what its owner could easily charge.”

Loki followed Thor’s line of sight, then blinked once or twice. “This is my building. I mean, this is my shop. I mean . . . do you mean to tell me that you’re privy to the details of my rental agreement?”

“Well, yes. My firm represents your landlord, and I helped draft your lease, actually.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“In fact, I’ve been concerned about you. You should really think about diversifying your business or even setting up a plan B, because I wouldn’t be surprised if the building owner raises the rent considerably when your lease is up — they might even sell the building to a developer, in which case you’ll be forced out of the neighborhood entirely. It’s been happening all over the place.”

Loki pulled out his phone and started dialing furiously.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling you an Uber. This conversation is over.”

“What?”

“Don’t presume to tell me how to run my business. You don’t even drink real coffee.”

“I beg your pardon? I was just trying to be helpful.”

Loki stepped right up into Thor’s personal space and hissed, “I don’t need your help.” Then he turned on his heel to stalk away, leaving Thor speechless as a car pulled up.

[You really weren’t being fair at all, Loki.

_He had no right — it was like he was pawing through my underwear drawer._

Which you completely wouldn’t have minded at all.

_Exactly! No! Wait! Oh I hate you!_

The truth hurts, Sweetie, I know.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trope count so far:  
> Our friends are dating  
> I hate you  
> Coffee shop/barista/bookshop  
> Character talking back to the narrator  
> Too much description  
> Kooky best friend  
> Someone stops breathing when they look into someone’s eyes  
> He’s feisty but has a soft side


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sif and Sigyn prove that the course of true love runs through both the fields of Elysium and a WWF ring, and in which Thor writes many notes on little coffee napkins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you to thebookhunter for making this so much better than it was.

In hindsight, they perhaps shouldn’t have started with the g&t’s on empty stomachs. And perhaps they should have stopped at a single bottle of wine once they sat at the table. But it was too late to revisit those decisions now.

Sif slammed her fist down onto the table, making everything — all of the plates, glasses, cutlery, Loki — jump precisely 1/4 inch and come rattling back down. “What do you mean by that!?!”

“I _mean_ ,” Sigyn replied, “that your business decisions have been impulsive and this is probably what led to your financial trouble.”

“Oh! So now I’m reckless, am I? I don’t think things through?”

“I didn’t say that!”

Sif rose with enough force to send her dining room chair crashing to the floor behind her. “You didn’t have to! Oh, you are soooo condescending! Just because you got through law school doesn’t make you an expert of how to run my life! I’m not an impulsive business woman, but I’m beginning to think that there are other things I should have thought through first!”

Crash!

Sigyn leapt out of her chair as well. “Oh my god!” She looked at Loki briefly — “Did you hear what she just said?” — before rounding on Sif once more. “Thank you for proving my point! She who giveth can also taketh away! Go ahead. You might as well come right out and say it — you regret everything! You wish you had never come here. I can see exactly where you’re headed.”

Sif leaned over the table. “Maybe I want to go back even farther than that, as long as I’m cataloging my rash decisions!”

Another great crash! as a plate went soaring across the room and a fork embedded itself in a Boston fern next to the stereo. “Who’s implying things now? Are you saying none of this was worth it? Just because you can’t take a little bit of constructive criticism?” Sigyn stepped around the table and poked Sif in the middle of her chest with a shiny red fingernail.

“Don’t touch me!” Sif slapped her girlfriend’s hand away.

At this point Loki and Thor stood as one and moved to physically intervene, circling around the table in opposite directions to interpose themselves between the two women, Loki facing Sigyn while Thor faced Sif.

“Sigyn, can I talk to you in my office?” Loki implored as he insinuated himself between the two women, brushing up against Thor’s backside as he did so.

[ _What does that have to do with anything?_

Fine, I’ll edit.]

Loki implored as he insinuated himself in between the two women.

[ _Better_.

*narrator rolls eyes in general annoyance* ]

Thor slid in behind Loki, his body brushing against the other man in order to get situated.

[Don’t even tell me you didn’t notice that his back was smushed full up against yours.

 _*grumblegrumble*_ ]

Thor put a hand on Sif’s arm. “Sif, can you and I just step over to the living room?”

This was not how this was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a reconciliation dinner — a relationship intervention of sorts for Sigyn and Sif.

[ _Lord knows I would never have cleaned my apartment, otherwise._

Quiet!]

After their first night out, the women had become nearly inseparable, falling into an intensely emotional relationship. When she wasn’t with Sif, Sigyn was texting her. When she wasn’t texting her, she was thinking about her. And when she was thinking about her, she wanted to talk about her.

[ _Lord, she was unbearable!_

Well, at least we agree on something.]

Sigyn began stopping by the coffeeshop regularly, sitting in Loki’s office, either gushing or gnashing her teeth, because when I say the relationship was intense, I don’t mean to imply that it was always blissful.

[ _Pfft! That’s an understatement!_

Will you let me finish?

 _I’m just trying to help_.]

Their relationship was not always blissful

[ _Why are you repeating yourself?_

Because you keep interrupting!]

Ahem. **Their relationship was not always blissful.**

[ _No need to shout._

*narrator glares balefully at character*]

Their relationship was, in fact, a wildly swinging pendulum — arcing one week into clingy desperate “I can’t live without yous” during which the women remained physically stuck together like a pair of octopi, then arcing straight away into screaming fits of “I hate you don’t ever speak to me again” accompanied by angry tears and alcohol-fueled crying jags in Loki’s apartment which were then followed by the couple’s complete disappearance for media-blackout-worthy make up sex.

It was exhausting, really, especially since T-H-O-R insisted on attempting his own reconciliation.

[ _Reconciliation, my ass. He was as insufferable as Sigyn._

*narrator looks knowingly at readers*

 _Oh now don’t go getting them involved! If I hear on word from any of you, I swear . . .!_ ]

At first, Thor just came into the shop at the usual time, looking around hopefully. Darcy spotted him and chimed in helpfully, “He just stepped out on some errands. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

Thor smiled, glad of an ally.

[ _Traitor._ ]

“Ah. Well, could you tell him I was looking for him? Just to say hi? My name is —”

“Thor — yeah, I know. I’ll let him know,” she replied cheerfully.

Thor nodded a reply, picked up his drink from Wanda and went back to work.

He tried again the next day.

Darcy smiled again, promised to deliver the message again, shrugging her shoulders. “He just stepped out.”

And again the next.

Darcy’s smile was a bit less bright, and a bit more apologetic, “I’m sorry, he’s gone again. I guess you just have bad timing this week.”

The next day, Thor arrived 30 minutes earlier, just in time to see a suspiciously tall figure in dark jeans and a white button-down slip out the back exit. Darcy gave Thor a weak smile as his shoulders slumped. Wanda bit her lip as she first looked back to where Loki had made his escape and then over at Thor’s kicked-puppy expression. She slid a clean napkin across the counter at him and followed it with a fine-line sharpie. “I could leave a note on his desk chair for you,” she whispered.

He smiled gratefully, “Would you?”

She nodded, and made shushing noises in Darcy’s direction when she started to cackle.

“Dear Loki, I am sorry for my insensitivity the other night. Please allow me to take you to dinner as an apology. Thor”

Wanda carefully placed the missive on Loki’s chair where there was no chance he might miss it.

The note disappeared.

No mention was made of it.

Loki was once again conspicuously absent the next morning when Thor arrived for his drink.

He left another note.

“Dear Loki, I would very much like to talk to you. Please call me. Thor.” His phone number was carefully printed so as to be clearly legible.

Wanda again placed the note on Loki’s chair.

The note again disappeared.

No mention was made of it.

Most people would have given up after that. Thor was not most people.

[ _Phhft! You can say that again!_ ]

Thor was not most people.

[ _Oh my god!_

Snicker.]

A routine developed. Loki arrived at the shop, helped open the store, worked a short time in the office, and left. Thor arrived. Ordered his usual, and left a note with Wanda. Wanda dutifully left the note in Loki’s office, and then Loki pointedly did not mention that any note had ever existed.

“Please call me. Thor”

“Did my last note go astray? If so, here is my phone number once again. Thor”

“I walked by the shop yesterday afternoon and noticed you though the widow. Thor”

“I would very much like to get to know you better. Thor”

The next was just a picture of a sad labrador, with a thought balloon over its head saying, “Thinking about you.”

Darcy and Wanda, meanwhile, sniggered openly every time they saw Loki duck out the back exit, and Darcy teased him mercilessly. “Did you see anything unusual on your desk, Loki?”

“No.”

“Are you quite sure?”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And the next day:

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll miss something important by going out every morning?”

“I have errands to run.”

“And they must always be done at exactly the same time every morning?”

“I like routine. It’s comforting.”

And the next:

“Would you like to know what sort of customers we’ve had this morning?”

“No.”

And on a Monday:

“Are you going out to meet someone?”

“No.”

On a Wednesday:

“He wore that navy suit with a French blue shirt this morning. It really made his eyes pop.”

“Why would I care?”

“How do you know who I was talking about?”

“I hate you.”

On a Thursday:

“No jacket this morning. His shirt hugged his shoulders and accentuated his waist perfectly. Did you see, Wanda? His bicep practically tore the fabric when he reached for his coffee — I could see the muscles ripple across his shoulders. And those trousers! They draped so perfectly you could almost feel your hand move over his ass.”

Wanda reached up on her tiptoes to feel Loki’s forehead. “Are you feeling ok, Loki? You seem a little flushed.”

“I’m fine!” was the only reply he could muster before he stomped back to his office and slammed the door. Darcy snorted.

The situation looked as though it would remain this way forever, if fate had not intervened once more. Thanks to Sigyn. Again.

“Sigyn, stop. Sig — I can’t understand a word you’re saying through the sobbing.”

“Loki, she hates me. She’s never going to speak to me again. Do you know what she said? She said I was insensitive, and that I overanalyzed everything, and that I have no feelings!”

“Well, you do overanalyze, dearest, and you have never been known for your diplomacy. Don’t you know? I feel that this is one of your greatest charms.”

Gross sobbing came from the other end of the line.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Yes, please,” followed by more sobbing.

“Let me pack up a few supplies and I’ll be right there.”

“I’ve already got the whiskey.”

“Well then, I’ll pack the kleenex and pick up some ice cream.”

“Thank you. You’re the best friend ever.”

“Of course I am.”

Which is how he got roped into playing mediator.

By hosting a dinner with both Sigyn and Sif.

At his own apartment (because it had to take place on “neutral territory”).

With Thor.

Because it seems Sif believed Loki would be prejudiced in Sigyn’s favor, and she wanted her own advocate to be present, as well.

The dinner went fairly well, up through cocktails and salad. Trouble didn’t start until the main course (you know, after the second bottle of wine), when they got around to dissecting the most recent argument. That’s when Sif exploded.

Loki and Thor barely managed to separate the two, Thor leading Sif into the living room and Loki taking Sigyn into his office, grabbing another bottle of wine on his way back.

“Do you see now, Loki, how unreasonable she is?”

“Sig, do you ever self censor, ever?”

“Oh thank you! Pot, meet kettle; kettle this is pot.”

“Take some deep breaths, darling, if you start crying now, you’ll turn into a raccoon.”

“Dammit, Loki.” But she snorted a bit, in spite of herself. “What am I going to do?”

“You are going to wait here for five minutes, until Thor manages to calm her down, and then you will go back out there and apologize.” He handed her the bottle and she took a great swig.

“Apologize? For what? You know I’m right.”

Loki retrieved the bottle and took a drink of his own before he replied. “That does not matter, love. If you want to take that piece of ass home with you tonight, you will say you’re sorry and look like you mean it.”

“Oh fuck. I’m in this deep, aren’t I?”

“Yes. Yes, you are. And she might even be worth it, though you wouldn’t know it by the company she keeps.” Loki rolled his eyes nearly back inside his skull.

“I don’t understand at all why you’ve taken such a dislike to Thor. You know he gets hearts in his eyes whenever he talks about you?”

“How would you know?”

“Sif told me. She says he talks about you all the time.”

Loki scoffed. “He couldn’t have much to say. I haven’t even spoken to him since the awful dinner.”

“That, apparently, is what he talks about. And frankly, Sif has taken a bit of a dislike to you because of it. She’s very protective of him.”

“Of Thor? He hardly needs rescuing. Have you seen the size of those arms?”

“It sounds as though you’ve noticed, anyway?” She snorted.

“Is everyone against me?”

“Why? Who else is plotting against you?”

“My entire staff, apparently.”

“Aww, is the poor baby getting teased?”

“Darcy and Wanda have become insufferable.”

Sigyn reached up a patted his cheek affectionately. “You are your own worse enemy. You know that, don’t you?”

Loki rolled his eyes, again. “I have good reason to protect myself from his type. You, of all people, should know that.”

“Thor is not —“

“Don’t even say his name! I still get nightmares.”

“Sorry, dearest, but I really do mean it. Thor is completely different.”

“Hummph.”

Just then a knock sounded at the door, and Thor poked his head into the room. “Sigyn, do you think you might be able to speak with Sif? She’s out on the couch.”

Sigyn heaved a great sigh. “Is she done yelling?”

Thor chuckled and smiled ruefully. “I think she’s calmed down enough to speak rationally, yes.”

“Ok. Will you two wait here for a bit? Maybe it would be better if there were no witnesses.”

Loki started to protest, but Thor got there first. “I think that would be an excellent plan.”

Loki glared at Sigyn hard, mouthing, “Are you kidding me?” But Sigyn just smirked as she walked away toward the living room.

[ _Oh so awkward!_

snigger]

Loki threw his hands up in the air. “Great, so we’re just supposed to wait here while they beat the crap out of one another?”

Thor’s eyes fell on the bottle; Loki nodded and Thor took a drink of his own. “No — I really think they’ll work it out this time. Sif is very much in love.”

“Love! They’ve only been dating for a few weeks, half of which they’ve spent shouting at one another.”

“The other half in absolute bliss.”

Loki parked his rear on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms defensively. “Bliss! Is that what you call it?”

“What would you call it?”

Loki snorted derisively. “A sex-induced delusory state.”

Thor smirked as he circled around the desk and took a seat in the swivel chair. “Yes, I suppose that’s part of it. Lots of serotonin floating around those two.”

Loki’s only reply was a short huff, as he steadfastly refused to turn and face the handsome behemoth behind him. An awkward silence settled over them as they listened to the rise and fall of the women arguing in the other room, a silence interrupted only when Thor drew breath to speak, then let it out in frustration when he changed his mind.

Suddenly there was a loud bang! from the other room. Loki rushed out of the room to investigate before skidding to a complete halt, stifling an ooomph! when Thor came crashing into his back, then stifling something else when Thor rumbled quietly with his mouth right at Loki’s ear, “Well this is awkward.”

Sif had lifted Sigyn clean off the floor and pinned her to the front door. Their lips were glued together as Sif’s hand worked its way under Sigyn’s blouse, while the other woman’s fingers dug into Sif’s hair, completely oblivious to their audience.

Loki and Thor stood speechless for a few moments before Thor wrapped his large hands around Loki’s waist and walked the two of them backward down the hall and into the office once more. They were all the way into the little room before Loki finally realized he was not supposed to like this and tore his way out of Thor’s grip. “What the hell?”

Thor threw his hands up in surrender. “Sorry. I just. Ahem. Sorry.”

“Yeah. Well. . . . Yeah.” Loki ran his fingers through his hair and turned away to fiddle with . . . something.

[ _With what?_

Nothing. Just something. *smirks silently to self* ]

Thor was the first to break the silence. “Well, I guess that means it worked, yeah?”

Loki glanced back at Thor and laughed nervously. “Yeah I guess so.”

Thor moved to lean back against the desk, hands in pockets.

Loki moved next to him, his hands griping the edge of the desk so hard his knuckles went white.

[ _Not right next to him!_

Ok, dear — Thor at one end of the desk and you at the other.

 _Just making things clear._ ]

The awkward silence descended once more until Thor finally worked up the courage to speak, “How long have you known Sigyn?”

Loki startled slightly, then cleared his throat briefly before focusing on his answer. “Years now. We met in school — I went back to college to finish up and needed help with a class in business law. She needed help with her English so she could prep for the LSAT. It worked out.” Loki crossed his arms again. “What about you and Sif?”

“We grew up together. Same school. Same t-ball team. Same Tai Kwon Do classes. Same high school. We pretended to date to keep the assholes at bay and throw off her parents.”

“Hmm.” Loki nodded.

“Is it true you and Sigyn were married?”

“Yeah. I’ve even got the wedding pictures to prove it.” Loki crossed the room and Thor’s eyes followed the length of him as he reached up to pull a scrapbook off the top shelf. His shirt pulled away from his jeans to reveal just that tiny sliver of smooth, pale skin — Thor’s gaze was drawn to it like a magnet, and his breath hitched. He was blushing mightily when Loki turned around once more with the pictures in hand.

[ _Oh my god! Really? His breath did The Thing?_

Dearest, you’re blushing.

 _Shut up!_ ]

Loki motioned to the loveseat under the window. “Here have a look. We made a very cute couple.”

The pair settled down in the comfy chair as Loki spread out the book between them. “It was just a courthouse wedding, but we needed it to look good. So we brought some friends and had one of them take pictures.”

“You look very nice.”

“It was a borrowed suit, but it fit ok. Sigyn, of course, looked gorgeous — she always does.”

“What was it like, being married to a force of nature?”

“Ha! It was not so bad as you would think. She can be pretty particular about some things, so it was occasionally annoying, and she was in law school for much of that time, which made her super bitchy. All in all, though, I was already familiar with her quirks. She’s pretty predictable once you know her routine, so it wasn’t too bad.”

“So why did you get divorced?”

“Why would we stay married?”

“I don’t know — love?”

“Pfft! We weren’t in love. Are you kidding? Did you not notice that Sif is a woman?”

Thor blushed furiously once more. “Well, that doesn’t necessarily mean . . .”

“Good lord, no! Sig needed residency, and we were sharing an apartment, anyway. And, you know, back then she couldn’t legally marry her girlfriend, so it worked out pretty well, all things considered.”

“So you and she never . . .”

“HA! Once. And it was a disaster, trust me. Her girlfriend worked herself up into a jealous fit over me — _me_! Oh dear god — she turned into an unholy monster before Sig finally threw her out. And my previous relationship had been, well, just really awful, frankly, so we thought, why not give the het thing a try, and there was, of course, a good deal of alcohol involved. Ugh. It was just not a very good idea. That experiment was abandoned quickly — even before we recovered from the hangover, in fact. No. It just wasn’t going to work.”

“Hmmm,” was Thor’s only reply, then after a pause he started to dig through his pockets for something. “Have you got a pen?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure — right in the desk drawer there.”

But as Thor reached the handle and began to pull it open, time suddenly slowed down like in a studio sit-com. Loki’s eyes grew wide and he leapt off the cushions to try and intercept Thor, shouting “No wait — I’ll get it!” But it was too late.

By the time Loki reached for the handle to push the drawer back in, Thor had already seen the contents, and in Loki’s haste to cover them up, he managed to dump everything over the floor — pens, pencils, tape dispenser, stamps, post-it notes —

And napkins.

Days and days worth of coffee shop napkins filled with Thor’s scrawling handwriting.

“You saved them,” Thor whispered, and when he turned his head, Loki’s horror-struck face hovered inches from his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tropes/Cliches in chapter 2:  
> Tropes:  
> “he’s an arrogant but sexy asshole and [he] hates him but kinda also wants to fuck him and [he] will as soon as we see that underneath it all he’s actually a puppy with such a kind heart.” (Eve1978) [Does that count as a spoiler? Does anyone really not know where this is headed?]  
> “They also haaaaate each other, until…ya know….they don’t” (@therealopheliatagaloff)  
> Our friends are dating (suggested by, like, everyone)  
> We get stuck together at a dinner (ourladypinxthings)  
> That little sliver of skin when someone’s shirt rides up (also suggested by everyone)  
> Someone’s breath hitches (ibid)  
> Hands gripping so tight the knuckles are white (marvelousmissfit)  
> We’re trapped in a room together and have no choice but to interact (angryschnauzer, et al)  
> Up-against-the-door-sex (sarabeth72)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the narrator totally has Loki's back, or at least brings some lube.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to the amazingly talented and generous thebookhunter for offering her very helpful suggestions. Bookie, I do not deserve you.

“You saved them,” Thor repeated, his voice reverent as his eyes got soft, and a beatific smile started at his mouth only to blossom across his cheeks before settling in those flawlessly blue eyes, and for just a few seconds Loki’s insides all turned into mushy goo, before his panic overwhelmed him once more.

“I . . . it’s not . . . I didn’t . . . I mean . . .” Loki’s face flamed hot as he clumsily started shoving crap back into the drawer in big fistfuls — anything to avoid looking at That Face, until Thor grabbed his hand, and ohhh that burned as hot as his cheeks.

[ _I did not panic!_ Bullshit. You were an absolute mess. _I do not remember that!_ If you say so.]

“You saved them.” And by now Thor’s face was absolutely glowing with adoration, and Loki couldn’t have looked away if he had tried, and all the air just got sucked out of the room, and suddenly Loki couldn’t breathe and his eyebrows got all scrunched — _god, he is so close, and THOR is all he can see and smell and it’s overwhelming and whatthehellwashesupposedtodonowjesuschristIcan’tdothis_ —

“Breathe.”

Thor reached up and cupped his cheek while keeping hold of Loki’s wrist.

Loki blinked.

“Breathe.” The deep chocolate of Thor’s voice poured over his senses, slowly interrupting the runaway train of Loki’s thoughts. Loki blinked and felt the caress of a thumb across his cheek and smoothing his brow before threading through his hair and settling at the base of his neck.

Loki took a deep breath and lowered his gaze briefly to glance at the hand on his wrist before returning to the lodestones that were Thor’s eyes. Their pull was inexorable. He took another breath, this time savoring Thor’s scent — the faint traces of spicy aftershave and wine over top of That Smell underneath that was Just Thor — and he licked his lips nervously, suddenly aware of every inch of his skin and how the air moved against it.

[ _Oh dear god, you make me sound like a basket case!_ Oh, hun, you really were a mess. _*grumble creative liberties grumble*_ ]

Thor’s eyes flickered over Loki’s face, drinking in the emotions that shifted across it in quick succession, darting down to catch the tongue slide back in, lingering on the shine it left behind. He paused just one second before deciding that words would probably spoil everything, _fuck it_.

Thor dove in for the lips, pulling Loki toward himself as he leaned over the pile of office detritus still littering the floor between them. Their mouths crashed together completely without finesse. Releasing Loki’s wrist, Thor brought his other hand up to frame Loki’s face, fingers in his hair, thumb on his cheek, and his open mouth feasted itself as though he would never feed again.

Both of them closed their eyes, senses overwhelmed, trying to block everything but

Just. This. Touch.

Just. This. Moment —

feeling the soft slide of lips together, the wet-hot slick of tongues, the occasional hard bump of teeth on both, sucking, licking, tasting.

Loki’s hands mirrored Thor’s, moving up to catch in his hair, desperately holding him captive. _Don’t pull away. Don’t let this stop. Don’t ever let this stop._

[ _Don’t you think that’s laying it on a little thick?_ No, shut up, it’s perfect, you big sap.]

When they finally broke to fill their lungs once more, there was no other world except what was contained in those orbs blown wide by desire. All rational thought was wiped clean in the wake of the white hot need that washed over them.

Thor’s hand slowly moved its way over Loki’s jaw, down the curve of his neck, briefly wrapping around the throat, skittering across the hollow at its base, eliciting a low keening breath as Loki briefly closed his eyes once more at the assault on his senses.

Thor shifted as he moved in to taste that salty sweetness on Loki’s neck, only to be brought up short as his knees crashed through the pile of junk between them.

“Shit” — as if they’d been cued to speak together, then they both laughed breathlessly.

Thor raised himself up, pulling Loki with him, and guided Loki across the small room to sit on the loveseat.

[“ _Guided”?_ If it had been up to you, Loki, you would both still be sitting mournfully in that pile of junk. _Says you._ I’m pretty sure I would know.]

Once Loki perched on the sofa, Thor took a minute and just stood between Loki’s mile-long legs spread wide, pinning him there with his gaze — taking in Loki’s flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips, raking over the lean muscles revealed by the soft clingy fabric of the t-shirt, and ending at the obvious bulge in Loki’s jeans.

Thor sighed out, “oh, Baby,” as he sank to his knees and ran huge hands up Loki’s thighs which opened for him even further.

And damn, if those words didn’t sneak up on Loki like magic, making him throw his head back, moaning as a hand brushed the aching cock trapped in his jeans, a moan punctuated by an increasingly loud duet of cries coming from the living room.

[ _Funny I’d forgotten entirely that they were out there. And dammit, who’s idea was it to wear pants that tight, anyway?_ I’m not even dignifying that with an answer.]

Thor paused briefly to gain Loki’s attention, moving his hands to Loki’s belt and offering a question, “Is this alright, Babe?”

Loki returned the gaze with a desperate look, still surprised by how strongly he reacted to that endearment — the only response he could choke out was, “Ohgodyesplease!” — eyes now glued to Thor’s hands as they worked to loosen to buckle, and fumble with the fastening of Loki’s jeans, urging him to lift up his rear before working the snug fabric of his pants and boxers over his thighs so he could wrestle them off his feet, both of them laughing at the unavoidable awkwardness.

[ _When did I take off my shoes?_ Do you care? _No._ Alrighty, then.]

Thor took a moment once more to admire his partner, inhaling deeply as he rubbed his face across Loki’s thighs, before running his hands back up Loki’s bare skin and coming to a restless stop on either side of his cock and licking his lips, sighing out once more, “Oh baby!”

All the while Loki watched, enraptured by this blond giant of a man kneeling in front of him, the reverent caress of his hands, and, dear heavens, that voice! The rest of him was paralyzed, but a lightheaded rush of desire gave his cock a life of its own — it twitched with every breath that ghosted across his skin, pearly drops leaving marks on his shirt as Thor’s hands moved closer to their target.

On cue, they let out another simultaneous cry — Thor’s a rumble bubbling up from deep in his chest., and Loki’s a needy whimper as he bit his lip in an attempt to choke back the words that wanted to come out.

[ _What words?_ Snerk! As if you don’t know. _I have no idea what you’re talking about._ ]

As Loki moved to run his hands up Thor’s arms, however, Thor abruptly grabbed his wrists with a devious smirk. “Oh no. No touching. Spread your arms out over the back of the sofa and hold on tight — I’m going to take care of you.”

Another embarrassingly needy groan escaped his lungs. Loki did as he was told, and then a little whisper escaped his lips completely against his will, “Ohhh Daddy.”

[ _Jesus Christ! I did not say that — fuck! Edit that out!_ Abso-fucking-lutely not!]

Loki’s eyes flew to Thor’s with shock, his face flushed an even deeper shade red, as shame and panic set in.

Thor’s face registered surprise for a brief second but there was no way to ignore the hot jolt of lightning that traveled directly to his dick. A primal moan shuddered up from deep inside and his hands clutched Loki’s thighs tight enough to bruise. He closed his eyes for another second or two in an attempt to control himself before fixing them once again on Loki’s, just in time to prevent him from running out of the room in embarrassment.

“Oh, Baby. That’s it,” and Thor grinned as he turned his attention back to the throbbing length in front of him. “Such a needy boy.” He brushed his nose up Loki’s cock, tickling it just under the head. “Just let Daddy take care of you.”

[ _Jesusfuck this is so embarrassing!_ Shut up — it is unspeakably hot!]

If you think Thor’s exclamation didn’t elicit a loud groan, you have not been paying attention. Loki’s chest rose and fell with increasing desperation, his face and chest flushed as Thor’s feather teasing shifted slightly and his tongue left warm wet trails in places of his torturous caresses.

“Take of your shirt, Baby.”

It was gone in a flash and Loki’s hands flew outward again to clutch at the back of the sofa.

“Such a good boy.”

Thor’s hands moved under Loki’s quivering thighs [because of course they were quivering, duh! _Shut up! This is the good part!_ ] pushing between the cushions and the firm flesh of Loki’s ass, pulling him to the edge of the seat.

Thor stopped abruptly, “Please tell me you have some lube.”

“Desk,” Loki forced out with a little whine, “the other drawer.”

[ _Thank god for the magical appearing lube._ You didn’t think I’d make you walk down the hall to the bedroom, did you? _Ok, ok, you’re an angel — can we get on with it?_ ]

Thor moved quickly, rummaging through the drawer and returning with his prize, pausing to savor the landscape of Loki’s sinewy muscles taut with need, palming himself through his increasingly uncomfortable trousers. Loki’s arm and chest muscles rippled with his efforts to hold his position.

“Ohhhh . . .” Thor groaned, “I am going to make you all mine, Baby.” He popped the cap and squeezed a generous glob of slick on his fingers before reaching up to cup Loki’s balls and move back between his cheeks.

The noises trickling out of Loki’s mouth were becoming increasingly desperate at Thor’s teasing. “Is this what you want, Babe?” Thor’s voice came low and almost inaudible. “You’ve got to tell Daddy what you want.”

“Oh yes, please, Daddy. Fuckmeit’sbeensolongplease.” [ _Shit, this is so embarrassing._ Seeeeeeexy!]

“Hmmm . . .” was Thor’s only reply as a slick fat finger circled Loki’s hole before pushing its way in, and Thor alternatively stroked Loki’s thigh with the side of his face, and nuzzled the base of his painfully hard, drooling erection. Loki struggled to control the sway of his hips, hanging on to the sofa for dear life.

Two slick fingers now slid themselves in as Loki’s keening increased in counter-tune to the moans still drifting in from the couple in the living room.

[ _Jesus, I keep forgetting they were still out there._ Well, they are women — you know, multiple orgasms; they kind of have a biological advantage. _Damn!_ ]

“So good for me, Baby. Daddy’s going to fuck you now. Would you like that? Do you want him to fill you full of his big hard dick and then come all over you?”

Loki didn’t really know how he answered that question other than the fact that it was a long babbling mostly incoherent affirmative. It must have been good enough though, because T-H-O-R moved to fumble with his trousers and somehow found a condom.

Then he was looming over Loki, hoisting one of the prone man’s legs up over his arm and guiding himself into his entrance and thrusting inside with an exclamation, “Oh Loki! I’ve been thinking about this for so long. Everything about you just screams out for me to touch you.” Loki watched the rippling of Thor’s muscles, hypnotized, as he moved in and out, until Thor buried his face in Loki’s neck, hot breath coming in time with his thrusts, painting Loki’s sensitive flesh with sloppy kisses.

Loki could barely breath, overwhelmed with sensation, the painpleasure of Thor’s girth stretching him tight, filling him up, rubbing so deliciously that he saw stars. And the hot wetness of Thor’s mouth on his neck. Loki threw his head back and arced into his pleasure as Thor snaked his hips, pistoning hard enough that the front of the sofa began to bounce off the floor —

“Thor. Oh. Yes. God!” in time with every crash of the furniture, until finally, “please, Daddy — touchme — ohI’msoclose.”

[ _Godammit, again with the daddy thing._ Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Loki.]

“Oh Baby, since you’ve asked so nice.” And Thor reached in between their sweat-slick bodies to take Loki in hand, wringing hot cries of pleasure from his partner as Loki’s arms trembled in exhaustion from clinging to the sofa. Loki’s cries turned to a wild shout as thick ropes of come painted his chest, bringing Thor to the very brink of his climax.

Quickly he pulled out and tossed away the condom. Taking his own angry red cock in hand, Thor needed only a few strokes before adding his own come to his partner’s and collapsing onto the loveseat beside him.

[ _Oh come on! It lasted a lot longer than that!_ Yes, I know that, but, Hun, there are only so many acceptable synonyms for “thrusting” in the English language. They’re just going to have to use their imaginations on this one. _Fuck!_ Yes, precisely. _I hate you._ ]

They lay there for several long minutes just breathing, Thor placing soft kisses on Loki’s shoulder, painting lazy circles through the mess on his chest and stomach. Loki just closed his eyes, letting out tiny humming noises with each kiss, completely taken apart and unable to move.

Eventually, Thor reached across and pulled Loki’s far hand from the back of the sofa, and tenderly kissed his palm, his wrist, every knuckle, and the tips of his fingers before doing the same with his other arm, pulling it slowly away from the back of the sofa, reverently kissing the sensitive underside of Loki’s hand, his knuckles, and the tips of his fingers.

Loki’s eyes opened partway to watch, awestruck, and he hummed once more at Thor’s tender attentions, lashes low as he followed his partner’s every gesture.

[ _Oh come on! Now you’re just getting all sappy. Is this really necessary?_ Oh you dork — you know you love every second. _Traitor._ ]

Their reverie remained uninterrupted for several minutes, punctuated only by one last keening wail from the living room. That’s what finally prompted Loki to break the silence.

“We can’t let Darcy and Wanda know.”

[ _Oh, christ! Here it comes — neurotic Loki on the loose!_ You are so cute when you’re angry. _Bitch._ ]

“What? Why not?”

“Because they will be merciless if they find out. They’re already unbearable. My god, if they think they’ve won — Jesus Christ, I’ll never live it down.”

Thor huffed in amusement. “What are we supposed to do, just pretend nothing’s happened?”

“No. Just act like you’ve given up. You can just stop coming by the shop for a few weeks, and they’ll think it’s all done.”

“Well, we can hardly hide from Sigyn and Sif — they’re making out in your living room, for god’s sake.”

“Oh Sigyn doesn’t count — she’s like another me. She knows everything. But those two are my employees. I’ll lose all control over them if they think they’ve won. And then what happens when you dump me? No. They can’t know.”

“When I . . .? What!?! When I dump you? We’ve barely made past the first kiss and you’re already planning for a break up?”

Loki squirmed a bit. “Well . . . that is the way it happens. Nothing’s permanent.”

“Well it certainly has no chance if you start out this way. You’ve doomed us before we’ve even started.”

“No. . . . I . . . No, I just need to be ready. I’m a survivor. I need to be prepared.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“That’d the beauty of being a pessimist — if something fails, well, you’re never all that disappointed because you knew it wouldn’t work anyway, but if it works out, you’re gloriously surprised”

“I can see some sort of vague logic in that, but I’m really not convinced. You’ve got to feel as though you can depend on something. You have to have hope.”

[ _Stupid optimist Thor._ He’s right, you know. _Oh, now don’t you start._ ]

“That’s when it’s the worst — you just get a sense of security and then the universe yanks it right out from underneath you. No. You can’t assume that anything is permanent.”

“How can you ever enjoy anything if you’re always afraid that you’ll lose it?”

“How can you fully appreciate anything if you take it for granted?”

“No. That doesn’t make sense. You can never experience anything to its fullest if you’re always anxious, always worried about how it will end.”

“That’s exactly what I would expect of someone who has never had something dear to him taken away.”

Thor got very quiet at that and then his face went all over sad.

“No,” said Loki. “Don’t you dare look like that. I refuse to be pitied.”

“I don’t pity you — how can I pity someone who’s strong enough to survive his losses, whatever those were? Can I not be sad that someone has made you hurt?”

Loki got an odd, confused look on his face, and screwed his mouth up like he was repressing something.

[Awwwww, my adorable baby! _Shut up!_ ]

“What?”

“Nothing,” Loki forced out in a husky voice, and then looked away very quickly.

Thor’s hand moved up Loki’s arm, over his shoulder, and up his neck until it cupped his face once more, coaxing it around until they could look at one another again.

“Loki.” Thor’s voice was soft and insistent.

“Loki, look at me.”

Loki slowly raised his eyes to meet Thor’s. “Can you just pretend that we won’t end in disaster? Just for now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tropes/cliches in this chapter:
> 
> Inexorable  
> Mouths crashing together  
> Lip licking  
> Pupils blown wide  
> Freeing him from his denim prison  
> BDSM completely out of context and for no reason (though it is Loki and Thor, which really ought to be reason enough, honestly — but it’s just a tiny bit, because, after all, it’s just their first time together)  
> Magically appearing lube  
> “Hot cries of pleasure”  
> Come trajectory — somebody could lose an eye


End file.
